A Thousand Words Left Unsaid: A New Mom Tribute

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I say a picture tells a story that has a chapter or two torn out.

I was going through old photos yesterday and came across our first "Family" photo session. This first picture was taken in 2016 when Jonathan was around 3 months old.

Andy & I had been married for a little over two years. 

We were brand new parents. Our world had completely changed. A tiny little blessing now consumed our lives.

Some of the "thousand words" you may think of when you see this first picture could be:

They look so happy.

In love.

A new family doting over their baby.

Perfect.

That baby is so cute!

They are so lucky!

Just to name a few.......

......................................................................

Now I will really tell you what was really going on in this photo:

An identity crisis (in both of us).

Lack of sleep.

Mom guilt.

Troubled marriage.

Lost (spiritually, emotionally & mentally).

Mom guilt.

Not eating enough.

Taking tons of supplements to keep a milk supply going.

Lack of intimacy.

Envy.

Mom guilt.

To be completely honest, our marriage hit it's hardest point after becoming brand new parents. You see, Andy worked full-time while I went back to RN school. We then decided to flip roles once I graduated so that he could go back for his RN as well.

I was about 16 weeks pregnant with Jonathan when I started working full time at the hospital. Andy worked weekends and went to nursing school at night. I received 7 weeks of maternity leave. Went back to working full time as a new nurse a few days after Christmas.

I was emotional that I had to leave my baby just after 7 weeks.

I held onto a lot of guilt because I could not pump enough at work and my milk supply dropped. I had to fight for every drop.

Jonathan had colic so there was little slept.

I was gone from 0530-9 pm 3-4 times a week. Sometimes, I would go days without seeing my baby awake. 

Jonathan started preferring Andy over me.

I missed a lot of his "firsts" that year.

It was awful.

On the flip-side, Andy's role had also reversed. He was used to being the "bread winner" and provider. He was used to making all of the money. Now, he traded the bread box for dirty diapers and a broom. We both lost ourselves for a while that first year.

We were in a temporary season but a hard one. We had both lost our identities. We lost who we were. Our roles changed. Our lives changed. And now we had a tiny little baby who depended on us.

 But there is a turning point in this story right?

You got it!

Want to know when things turned around?

I stopped pushing God away and we started going back to church.

We found a church that would invest in us and equip us with valuable tools.

They didn't know what we carried on our shoulders the first day we walked in.

But now they are stuck with us. :-)

You see, we invited God back into our lives. We invited God into our marriage. & things changed.

It wasn't overnight but things changed. Andy graduated nursing school and went back to working full time. I was able to start working part time. & then we welcomed another cool little dude to the clan!

I just want to reach out to the new mom out there right now that is struggling.

I want you to know that you are not alone. 

I want you to know that we have a Father who loves you. Adores you. He wants to be a part of your marriage & parenthood. He wants to guide your steps and comfort you when times get hard.

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8

God sees you, sweet Momma. & He is saying to you "KEEP GOING!"

He delights in you, His daughter. Keep fighting the good fight.

You are only in a season & your time to shine is coming.

For his anger lasts only a moment,
    but his favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may last through the night,
    but joy comes with the morning.

-Psalm 30:5

So, how is life now you ask?

Is it picture perfect?

NOPE.

Do we have it all together?

NOPE.

Do we lose our minds from time to time?

 YEP.

Life is never easy but it's so much better with Jesus. I am a better wife because I know Jesus. I am a better mother because I know Jesus. I am a better person because I know Jesus!

My life is now perfectly chaotic. I don't know if it's Wednesday or Sunday. But I know who I am in Christ. Once you know who God says you are, everything else just falls into place.