Why Blue Lives Exist- The Perspective of a Soldier's Wife

With love, I am about to share my heart with you.

I am leaving many details out because it is more of my husband's story to tell than my own.

I want to talk to you about my family.

Most of you are aware that my husband was deployed for 8 months. He left in November (pre COVID). He came home at the end of June. The country he came home to is not the country he left. Our culture is now extremely sensitive to everything and now lives in complete fear, anger & anxiety. We are all suspicious of one another and blame the other for why things are. 

My husband, though in the Air National Guard, is very often mistaken for a Law Enforcement Officer. His head is shaved. He walks with discipline. He carries himself respectfully & he does not play when it comes to his family. 

This was never a problem before. 

The past couple weeks, I am starting to notice the behaviors of others. How when it is just me, they are polite. When I am with my husband, they are short with responses and sometimes even rude. 

I thought it was just Chapel Hill.

I thought that maybe they were just generally not nice people.

But then it happened again this week in Boone.

A white woman grabbed and yanked her African American husband/partner towards the wall because my family was "too close" to them. She proceeded to say that my family could not "F BOMB follow directions" in front of my children (we were masked AND 6 feet away). She glared at us as if she wanted to cancel our existence when my innocent 4 year old had a simple (but loudly spoken) question about black & brown people at our dinner table. & then, while she & her husband stood inconveniently in front of the restrooms to pay, my husband accidentally bumped into the man. The man was stepping back as Andy & Jonathan tried to come out of the bathroom. She then threatened to slap my husband in the face. 

I share this because these incidents did not happen before my husband left the country. But he now has come home to a world that no longer accepts him. Our world rejects him because of the way he looks. They way he acts. The way he talks. He has just recently told me of the glares he receives simply going to the grocery story. He goes there to pick up bread and milk & walks out feeling like half the world hates him.

Please take note that my husband does not have a blue uniform to take off. He was wearing no uniform at all. The argument that a uniform can be "taken off" is a façade.

This is certainly not the way to welcome home a soldier.

If you do not know my husband, let me tell you a little about him.

Did you know that the man you reject loves Jesus?

Did you know that he is a loving father & husband?

Did you know that he is a foster parent?

Did you know that his home has welcomed more foster children of color than white children?

Did you know that he is one of the greatest men I have ever met?

Did you know that he is a nurse?

Did you know that I have seen him jump out of his car in an instant to help a young boy (of color) who was just in a car accident? His bone was sticking out of his leg. My husband gave this poor boy his own phone to call his parents. He held the boys neck to keep it stabilized and promised the boy that he would be ok. He left the scene with the boys blood on his clothes and his phone. 

The existence of my husband is a very real thing.

I will not allow it to be canceled by today's culture.

No, he is not a cop.

No, he is not a Law Enforcement Officer.

He is a soldier mistaken for one. 

I am writing this to tell you that it IS possible to love all. You can love people of ALL races. You CAN love black lives & also love and respect blue lives. 

You CAN mourn the loss of George Floyd AND Cannon Hinnant.

There is no THIS or THAT.

There is no one or the other.

You cannot replace injustice with injustice.

You cannot replace racism with racism.

I am honestly very curious as to what other military families have experienced this past year. I hear the families of LEO officers speak out but I have not seen military families speak out yet.

Before I close,

I will like to say that I am not comparing what my husband has to now deal with to what African American men have always dealt with.

I am not comparing & I am not denying the existence of it.

I am a white female but I have seen prejudice acts against our black brothers & sisters. I know it exists and you will never hear me say that it doesn't. I want this to change. I want our church to help this world become more loving & accepting. But it starts with our hearts. Our world has a HUGE heart problem right now. This problem is so huge that there really is ONE solution.... GOD. My God is the only solution to this. 

As I begin posting more on my personal page & sharing the love of Jesus on my personal page, my goal is to always give messages of hope. Not doom. But I am still a woman with emotion. If you want to see the warrior in me, you should see me pray for my children and my husband. I have prayed my hardest prayers and fought spiritual battles for my family. I will ALWAYS do this.

Our battle is not with flesh and blood, folks.

We need to recognize that. 

I will strive to do better. To be more positive. To be the light in our community as I have preached. But sometimes, I have to mourn. Sometimes, I have to cry. Sometimes, I have to be extremely real and transparent with you.

As one of our pastors once said, the only suffering God calls us to endure is to love.

To love Him.

To love our families.

To love our neighbors.

& to love our enemies.

To love those who think different than you.

who look different than you.

& to love those who persecute you.

I promise to always keep this in mind. I promise to try my hardest to love you. Regardless of our opinions. Regardless of our political views. Regardless of our religious views. Regardless of if you have hurt my family. Jesus died for you. He loves YOU. & if I want to be more like Him, my duty is to do the same.