The Least of These

  To the moms out there who are struggling. Who are just getting by. Who are hanging on by their very last thread. I see you. God sees you. & we will get through this season. I expected our state to have different news today. I was looking forward to our children having normal lives again. Being able to return to school and outdoor activities. I was looking forward to mandates slowly lifting. But right now, that is just not the case. I can picture moms just wanting to scream at the tv right now and wonder what went wrong. You had to leave your job to teach your children at home. Your finances are wrecked and your bills are piling up. It seems like every day just gets harder and harder. I see you. You are a foster parent. The state shutdown has completely altered the life of your child/children. A child who has experienced trauma yet was doing so well with routine. Now, they (still) cannot have in-person visits with their family. They are triggered by past experiences every day ...

They say a picture is worth a thousand words . I say a picture tells a story that has a chapter or two torn out. I was going through old photos yesterday and came across our first "Family" photo session. This first picture was taken in 2016 when Jonathan was around 3 months old. Andy & I had been married for a little over two years.  We were brand new parents. Our world had completely changed. A tiny little blessing now consumed our lives. Some of the "thousand words" you may think of when you see this first picture could be: They look so happy. In love. A new family doting over their baby. Perfect. That baby is so cute! They are so lucky! Just to name a few....... ...................................................................... Now I will really tell you what was really going on in this photo: An identity crisis (in both of us). Lack of sleep. Mom guilt. Troubled marriage. Lost (spiritually, emotionally & mentally). Mom guilt. Not eating enough. Takin...

With love , I am about to share my heart with you. I am leaving many details out because it is more of my husband's story to tell than my own. I want to talk to you about my family. Most of you are aware that my husband was deployed for 8 months. He left in November (pre COVID). He came home at the end of June. The country he came home to is not the country he left. Our culture is now extremely sensitive to everything and now lives in complete fear, anger & anxiety. We are all suspicious of one another and blame the other for why things are.  My husband, though in the Air National Guard, is very often mistaken for a Law Enforcement Officer. His head is shaved. He walks with discipline. He carries himself respectfully & he does not play when it comes to his family.  This was never a problem before.  The past couple weeks, I am starting to notice the behaviors of others. How when it is just me, they are polite. When I am with my husband, they are short with response...

The first mention of Jehovah Nissi was during a battle between the Israelites & the Amalekites beginning in Exodus 17:8. As Joshua fought the Amalekites on flat ground, Moses took Aaron & Hur to the top of a hill. There, Moses fought a spiritual battle. He lifted his hands to the heavens & raised the staff of God above his head. “As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning.” – Exodus 17:11 Moses held his hands & his rod high up in the air using his faith as his weapon. He knew that God would defeat their enemy. As Moses hands & arms grew tired, Aaron & Hun held his hands up for him . One friend on each side so that the hands of Moses remained steady until sunset. At this point, Joshua overcame the Amalekite army. (Exodus 17:12-13) To celebrate this huge victory, Moses built an altar & called it “ The LORD is my Banner ”. In this name, there is a promise . A promise th...

Do you ever scroll social media or watch your preferred news outlet & think " It's a bad time to be ..." Every so many years, I often catch this thought. But the year 2020 is different. It is much different. Hate and evil have magnified into this huge pit of anger, despair, frustration & anxiety. Our problems are not carnal. It is not just the media influence or race or COVID 19. We are in a spiritual war against something that wants to steal, kill & destroy us. Right now, I would say that he isn't doing a bad job at reaching his goal.  I have caught myself thinking... "It's a bad time to be..." A cop. A healthcare professional. A teacher. A soldier. African American. Caucasian. A parent. A student. A private business owner. A church leader. A government official. So much tension in this world from racial injustices & defunding the very people who are supposed to meet us at our worst moments. So much tension over COVID-19, closures, weari...

I am ever so close to completing my third decade of life. You got it right… I am almost that dreaded ( drum roll please ) * DIRTY THIRTY *. I am only weeks away from the big three-zero ! & what a ride it has been! As I reflect on the past 10 years of my life, I feel an emotion that is hard to describe. I feel happiness & contentment because so much GROWTH has occurred in this decade. But I also feel deep sadness because it took a lot of HURT to get where I am today. These past years have held the best & the worse moments of my life. (Insert dramatic music here!) In those years, I had an on & off relationship with Jesus. Much like the boys I spent my time with prior to meeting my husband. I was in a toxic relationship.   I sought happiness in the wrong places. Everything I knew about my family & life was ripped beneath my feet. I met the love of my life. I graduated LPN & RN school! I pushed God even further away. I held so much anger, unforgiveness...

I recently went to a quick mountain trip in Boone, NC. It was supposed to have been a trip for me & my husband but things didn’t go as planned. Instead I brought my boys & some friends. One of the first things I did when we got there was walk down to the river. A sweet sound it is to hear the water flowing over & around the rocks. I slipped my feet into the ice cold fresh water and savored the moment. I felt God all around me. A tangible feeling. All 5 senses in use.   The sweet sound of the water in the creek & the birds singing. The beautiful scenery of the mountains & the water flowing. The cold water & rocks underneath my feet. The smell of the fresh mountain air. The taste of North Carolina’s second most clean creek in the state. [It was SO refreshing!] Yes, God was all around me. It was like He was saying “I know things are not how you wanted them to be right now but I am with you still.” It was such an overwhelming feeling.. those ...

As I reflect on this past week, it is hard to even type proper words onto this page. Is there really adequate words you can say or express? Together, we watched a man named George Floyd die right before our eyes. An unarmed & restrained black man fighting for air & crying for help. I have wondered if & how I should respond to this because in the year 2020, everyone has an opinion. Everyone voices that opinion. If your opinion does not line up with mainstream media, you could be labeled as selfish, inconsiderate, unloving, judgmental, hypocritical, the names could go on & on.  But that is not what this post is about. This post is a reminder that we as human beings have basic rights. There is nothing that should change the basis of those human rights. Nothing. We all know that what happened was wrong. Point blank. Evil. Heartbreaking. If your heart didn't drop to your stomach while watching the video, you may be part of the problem.  What I want to address today ...

Balance Noun - an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. Verb - keep or put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall. As a wife of a soldier in a “long distant relationship” I guess you can say & a mother of 2 little boys, balance is something I so desperately seek. So many things weigh on my mind that I need to do, want to do & wish I could do. Raise my kids (alone right now). Work. Seeking the Lord & spending time in His word. Working out. Eating right. Talking to husband & nurturing our marriage. Laundry (the never ending supply of dirty clothes). Clean house Taking the trash out. Ensuring someone can cut the grass bi weekly so the kids can play outside. Ordering the dog food bi weekly. Doctor’s apt here. Dental apt there. Grocery shopping. (Dangit, I’m out of milk ALREADY?) Oh poop! No more diapers! Not to mention the toilet paper shortage (haha) & the pas...